In the book the author states that there are 4 "dialects" of expressing love. Just as we have dialects in the spoken word, there are also dialects in the language of love. Most people learn how to express and receive love from how they were raised. If your mom and dad showed love with spoken words of approval, that is probably how you express love to others and how you feel loved from others. Makes sense to me.
According to the author, the four dialects of expressing love are:1. Spoken words of approval- This type of person likes to hear the words that express love. "I love you...I care about you...You are a great husband...etc." They also express their love in the same way. They will often tell others the same phrases.
2. Favors and deeds- This type of person shows their love by doing little favors and deeds for their loved ones. They bring flowers, they cut the lawn, they fix a broken necklace...they help with laundry and dishes. They also feel loved when these things are done for them.
3. Physical contact- This type of person needs to be physically close to someone...holding hands, hugging, kissing, sex, etc. in order to feel loved. If you grew up in what I call a "touchy-feely" home, you probably show your loved ones you love them by cuddling. You also look for this contact to feel loved.
4. Quality time- This person wants and needs undivided attention to feel loved. This person needs to sit one on one with their loved one and talk. They need to connect with others without outside distractions. They like to have dates where they can get away from the kids and really focus on each other.
This is not to say that all of us don't like all of these things. I know I do. But, think about it. Which category would you miss the most if it disappeared? Which category could you not live without? If your spouse stopped saying he loved you out loud, would you still feel loved? If the answer is yes, than you are not a "spoken words of approval" person. If you didn't have a date or serious quality time with your spouse for the next 5 years, would you still feel loved? Then you are not a "quality time" person. Really think back to your childhood and decipher how your parents showed love to you and to each other. It is probably the same category that you are as an adult.
I found this interesting, so I have created a poll (which is anonymous) to see in which category your would place yourself. Please join in!
Talk to your spouse tonight and see what he is. Do you match? If not, do you make sure to express your love in a way he will understand and vice versa?
It is certainly worth exploring!
All my love,
~I've packed all my things
They're heavy on my back~
Interesting...
ReplyDeleteI tend to be a favor doer. My family? Not big huggers or verbalizers.
The old goat is the same.
Sounds like a good book. Now I'm wondering if it tells why we are the type we are.
ReplyDeleteI am so very high maintenance.
ReplyDeleteCan I be all four?
My family was not huge on any of the four dialects.
But I need all of them to feel loved. Interesting.
Or messed up?
xo
I'm a combo of spoken and physical! I also feel that's how I'm raising my girls...and verbalizers and huggers!
ReplyDeleteI love to hear that someone loves me or to say that I love someone else, but I need to touch the people that I love. I crave that contact.
ReplyDeleteI didn't know if Greg, my newest kid, would be cool with hugs, but I felt so much like I wanted to put my arm around him when he was down. Now I know it's fine, so sometimes I rub his back a little when talking to him, like I do to my biological kids. I look at him and I think he's My Boy, just like they are My Kids.
My new boyfriend, I dream of touching him. I think about it all the time. I think about hugging him and running my hands up his back. This very specific touch, that's what I want.
I am very much touchy-feely and I get it directly from my mom. She has never been stingy with hugs and it's also how she judges other people. You give a good hug, an honest hug, and she's your biggest fan. I love that about her.
I'm going to show this post to my friend Jackie. She's a good hugger, too. She was here for a visit last weekend and she gave me a long hug before she left. It was nice, very sister-like. Some people give a sort of drive-by hug. She gives the genuine kind. Mom would definitely approve.
Great post! Thanks!
Is this book similiar to the Love Languages book? I have never read it, but I know many friends who have.
ReplyDeleteI think I am definitely a "quality time" person. Which I find very interesting especially given I am in the "abandoned" category during my childhood.
My hubs: He's a definite favor type.
I like a good hug from a relative or a good friend. I'm not to to touchy feely. But I do say I love you alot to everyone including my friends. My family is big on "I love you's". My husbands family, not so much. I struggle all the time with that man! LOL!
ReplyDeleteThese are interesting facts. I voted on your poll. But, I do tend to be a mix of the 4 qualities.
ReplyDeleteVery interesting. I am more of the "Quality time" type.
ReplyDeleteI married into a family that hugs all the time. At first I found it quite irritating but now don't mind it so much.
same topic as the "five love languages" by gary chapman. http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/
ReplyDeletei'm a quality time person.
Very interesting...I must say that I am a spoken words and a favor and deeds. Maybe a little of the other two. Growing up, my family was not big on showing any kind of physcial touch or verbal, but I still felt loved. I learned to be more expressive of my love as I grew older. Now when I see my sibs, they know I am going to give them a hug and say I love u. The same goes with my kids and grandkids.
ReplyDeleteI was raised a favor doer, and I married two of them;) I hope I am raising my children to be all four...I am interested in reading your review on this...
ReplyDelete